


Scars of the Past Haunting Day After Day.

by Cupping_Cakes



Series: Lack Of Guilt [2]
Category: The Walking Dead (TV)
Genre: Angst, Blood, Dark erotica, Depression, Disturbing Themes, F/M, Heartbreak, Loss of Control, Loss of Trust, Loss of Virginity, Older Man/Younger Woman, One-Sided Relationship, Prison-Era, Rape/Non-con Elements, Rick isn't a good person in this fic, Rough Sex, Sadness, Secret Relationship, Self-Harm, Suicidal Thoughts, This fic isn't happy you have been warned., Unrequited Love, ZA, angst and hurt, disturbing imagery
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-19
Updated: 2016-05-19
Packaged: 2018-06-09 11:55:21
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 630
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6905200
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cupping_Cakes/pseuds/Cupping_Cakes
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Beth looks up at him, blue eyes wide and shiny with tears.</p><p>"Do you love me Rick?"</p><p>She sniffles, voice cracking, and sounding desperate to hear him say the words he'd never mean even if he said them to her.</p><p>Part 2 to Lack of Guilt. Prequel to How Can I Say Goodbye?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Scars of the Past Haunting Day After Day.

**Author's Note:**

> A Few Quick Notes:
> 
> Part 2 to [Lack of Guilt.](http://archiveofourown.org/works/6849619) Prequel to [How Can I Say Goodbye?](http://archiveofourown.org/works/6520390/chapters/14917432)
> 
> This is not a happy fic. I cannot stress that enough as the tags suggest there might be some upsetting.disturbing moments in this fic you have been warned.
> 
> Fic titles are linked.
> 
> Review please???
> 
> :)
> 
> Enjoy!

He can hear the silence all around.

How still the worlds become these days. Like there's never been life before today, never a world where the dead weren't roaming.

It seemed like a lifetime ago when he looked back on it.

Looked back on how things used to be, how _he_ used to be before.

Sometimes he can't believe he'd ever been that, weak. Believed in trying to work it out.

He'd changed.

He knew he had but, honestly, they all had since those beginning days at the quarry, the farm. They'd lost, survived, become a family and somehow made it work here. But it wasn't what he needed.

Wasn't the thing that kept him going, day after fucking day.

It wasn't that false hope that this would just fix its self or, the foolish thought help would ride in to save them all some far, far off day. It was survival that kept him going.

What he did.

Killing.

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

He'd spent days searching beyond their fences for her face.

Haunted by her memories, or an uneasy spirit begging to be set free from this place.

He'd searched, but found only nothing surrounding him. 

Same as always.

But then he remembered her.

Big baby blues, and pale blonde curls.

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

His boots clicked against the concrete floor as he walked along.

Blue eyes looking at each cell, each curtain.

Maggies was silent, still, inviting, but he wouldn't be there tonight.

He wanted something else.

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

She was there, just like the night before.

Only she was awake.

Blue eyes staring up into nothing, blonde curls loose and splayed out on her pillow.

_Angelic._

She said nothing as he came inside, nothing as his gunbelt thudded to the ground and his fingers tugged his zipper down.

Silent as he climbed on top of her, and tugged away her clothes just let a single tear slip down her cheek.

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

It'd been a week of his nightly visits before she finally spoke again.

"Why Rick?" She asked him so sweetly, so soft, he had to strain just to hear her.

"Because you're a sweet, sweet girl Beth," He says it so sickly sweet. So calmly he can't help but laugh even as she starts to cry as he pushes her down against the mattress.

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

He found her roaming a few nights later.

Wearing just a long T-shirt that skimmed her thighs, blonde curls loose, and looking wild.

She was crying, sobbing, blood trickling onto the floor and her bare feet.

He picked her up, felt her arms encircling his neck, and the wetness of her tears against his chest.

"You shouldn't have done that." Is all he can manage to say as he wraps the final piece of gauze around her wrist. Staring at where she'd opened a scar she'd had since the farm.

"I'm sorry," She says so weakly it only makes him angry.

"Beth, look at me, stop being sorry for everything. Goddamnit, fucking say you hate me, hit me! Do anything but don't say you're sorry."

Beth looks up at him, blue eyes wide and shiny with tears.

"Do you love me Rick?"

She sniffles, voice cracking, and sounding desperate to hear him say the words he'd never mean even if he said them to her.

"No. I don't, never will."

She looks heartbroken, _broken,_ in every sense of the word as her tears finally start falling.

"But you saved me, you come to me every night doesn't it mean anything to you?"

"I saved you because I like what we have not because I love you Beth."

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

It's a year later when Grady happens.

When he sees Beth standing there, blue eyes wide and shining looking at him as he pulls her close.

Before she turns and then she's gone forever.


End file.
